Q&A
Q: What are some of the reasons elderly parents find it difficult to
let go, especially of items that have no practical or financial value?
Does it indicate a psychological problem? An emotional problem?
A: We live in a society that promotes acquisitions. Therefore, in
general, most people surround themselves with things with no
functional purpose beyond aesthetics or sentiment. There is nothing
wrong with that. Our possessions give us comfort and remind us of
experiences as well as our loved ones who may have made the
purchased. (For example, I remember when I got this grapefruit
knife. It was sixty years ago. My husband Jim and I were
just married and we had no money. But, he insisted we buy this
little knife because he knew I loved to eat half a grapefruit for
breakfast. He wanted me to have it.) A young person knows that he or
she has years of life experiences to look forward to. This is not
the case of the elderly. In many cases the elderly hold onto their
past and their possessions as their legacy and a marker for what
they have experienced.
A problem arises when an elderly person, who has been
self-sufficient his/her entire life, is now being told that this/her
lifetime of possessions are worthless and should be tossed out.
Think about how you would feel if someone were to come into your
home and start telling you to throw out and give away your things.
No one likes to be told what to do or to have someone else tell them
that their sentimental attachments are silly.
Overall, attachment to possessions is normal. However, in the
extreme case it can be a symptom of fear of change, need to control,
or anxiety. If the adult child is interested in helping their
parent pare down their possessions, the best bet is to do it slowly,
lovingly, and give the parent the chance to talk about the stories
attached to items. Show that you care.